Naturalization application

Following the previous post I downloaded the form for application for citizenship. I know, I'm ranting again... Funny, one of the thing to fill is a name change. Optional. This is sort of an interesting thing that is still here, although now it's YOUR choice and not the customs officer's, but that's besides the point. The form goes on with addresses and such to fill. Then Part 5 is about criminal records. To be filled for the FBI. Of course as most americans do, I have an FBI file... a bank file... the one they start on you when you don't pay off your account after closing it... What? I was in college, I thought it was taken care of! Damn it! :-P Anyway, you have to say whether you are a female or a male (what if I'm both? nah, just kidding!), height, weight, and race... not optional... Is there affirmative action on citizenship application? Because in that case I'll put all my ethnicities, it'll be fun! Ok, I'll just put caucasian and asian, but I took so much of the caucasian part that when I get to the interview they are actually going to ask me if I believed there WAS affirmative action in this case. hahaha Following is pretty much a resume, you need to state all addresses for the past 5 years, there is not enough room for me, I moved 5 times in 1,5 years not even 2 years ago! Where you worked the past 5 years. And then the best part, "how many total days did you spend outside the United States during the past five years"... How do I know that? And "list below all the trips of 24 hours or more that you have taken outside of the United States since becoming a Lawful Permanent Resident. (...)" Huuuh...... Right.... 5 years.... That sucks! I think we left 3 or 4 times last year, and this year alone we're traveling 6 times if not more... so I'm definitely going to need an extra page of these! oh man, I didn't know I was supposed to keep ALL my tickets! This application is going to take forever to fill out, I better start now! Part 10 has funny questions Mike had already been surprised to see on the green form one needs to fill out for visiting the US (foreigners and non permanent residents, I think). It had the some of the same questions, here is a sample: "Have you ever been declared legally incompetent or been confined to a mental institution within the last five years?" Oh sure, if by institution you mean college! heyhey.. oh wait, I've been out of college for a little over 5 years... Darn it! "Have you ever been a member of or in any way associated (either directly or indirectly) with: a. The Communist Party? b. Any other totalitarian party? c. A terrorist organization?" If I say C, do I still get in? ok then, I'll go for.... what's totalitarian again? Oh yes, ok... Then no, no.... Sorry... Next. "Have you ever advocated the overthrow os any government by force or violence?" No, but I sure wish I could, although intellectually more than violently but what the heck! Will you let me do that after I get my citizenship? Oh, right, you read my blog and you don't want me in this country... Riiiight! "Have you every persecuted any person because of race, religion, national origin, membership in a particular social group or political opinion?" No, but YOU have! See question about the Communist Party! "Between March 23, 1933 and May 8, 1945, did you work for or associate in any way with: a. The Nazi government of Germany? b. Any government in any area (1) occupied by, (2) allied with, or (3) established with the help of the Nazi government of Germany? c. Any German, Nazi, or S.S military unit, paramilitary unit, self-defense unit, vigilante unit, citizen unit, police unit, government agency or office, extermination camp, concentration camp, prisoner of war camp, prison, labor camp, or transit camp?" Associated in the sense that my great grand father was a prisoner in a camp, yes! Other than that, I guess I would become a citizen under my "favorite" nazi since I would get this citizenship before 2008! "Have you ever committed a crime or offense for which you were not arrested?" If writing this blog is an offense or a crime, then yes! But you DO want opinionated people as citizens [waving Jedi hands]! "Have you ever: a. Been a habitual drunkard? b. Been a prostitute, or procured anyone for prostitution? c. Sold or smuggled controlled substances, illegal drugs or narcotics? d. Been married to more than one person at the same time? e. Helped anyone enter or try to enter the US illegally? f. Gambled illegally or received income from illegal gambling? g. Failed to support your dependents or to pay alimony?" -Drunkard, proud to say no, although again, I went to college... -Prostitute, no! -Sold or smuggled... no... Of course not! -Been married with several people, I'd love to! Only if one cooks, the other massages me, and another cleans... I only need 3! Other than that, I'm afraid I've only been married once at a time... I know.. BORING! -Helped anyone? God no, help people? What more do you want? -No gambling, though I'd love to receive money! -I did fail to support my hamster once... I encourage anybody to answer these questions to help me!!!!!